Atleast once in our lives we've been told by friends, family, colleagues, well-wishers or even random people - one of these statements - "Move on yaar, it wasn't meant to be/worth it"; "Dude you deserve so much more, just forget about it"; "He/she doesn't realize what they've lost by losing you" ; "I am so glad it's over. I always knew you're making a big mistake" and so many more condolences, pitiable looks...blah blah blah...
My random thoughts on some ways to reach the so called 'moved on' phase based on two personality types (hereon referred to as 'PT') and two situations (hereon referred to as 'S'):
1. S: The Dumped One - Where you were the one who was still in love/ the one who wanted to work it out/ the one hanging on
PT: The Feeler - You're an emotional wreck. Your heart's broken and you can feel each piece of it still beating for the one who's dumped you. No matter what everyone around says you keep emptying the buckets of tears from your eyes. Here's what might help you :: Take a paper and pen. Write down all the reasons that your loved one gave for dumping you. Mentally analyze whether it was because of you or anything related to you or because of him/her and his/her priorities/expectations. If you realize it was a result of your stupidity then stop crying. You've learnt what not to do in your next attempt at falling in love. If it was because of him/her then just let go. You can't change people or plead them to love you. If they don't, they just don't. There's nothing wrong with you or them, so stop the self-pity act or the blame game. Be happy if you had a good time being with them and start a brand new story. Life's too short to hang on to one long story. Change it up and smile again.
PT: The Thinker - You're a mind master. Your heart's broken but you are more worried about the 5 W's and 1 H of the failure of your relationship. You have left no stone unturned in analyzing the situation and thinking it out loud. Here's what might help you :: Your heart is anyway vulnerable, so be kind to yourself and give your mind some rest. Stop thinking so much because not everything that happens has a reason or logic. There are things that are out of our control and beyond our understanding, especially people and their behaviours. Give the person who dumped you the benefit of doubt, try to feel what they are going through and understand their feelings behind their action. This will let you hate them a little less and help you de-stress a little more.
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2. S: The Ditcher - Where you were the devil/ the cheater / the one who didn't care about others' feelings / heartless / cold / indifferent
PT: The Feeler - Even in this case, you're still a wreck. You can't help but feel sorry for doing what you've done. Inspite of the rational decision, your heart is still sad. Here's what might help you :: If you've cheated on your partner, guess what? Go ahead - FEEL SORRY! If you've decided to dump your partner because of XYZ reasons, then you've already made a choice. So there's no point in feeling sorry or sad, it ain't helping either of you. Since you are a sensitive person, you would have thought over the reasons and the consequences before shooting the gun. Trust yourself, your instincts and your decision. If you've taken a stand, stick by it and don't complicate things.
PT: The Thinker - You are a free bird now. You exactly know why you've done whatever you have and feel absolutely proud of your actions. The reasons behind your decision are all justified. Here's what might help you :: If you have thought through the reasons why you are dumping your partner, then you sure aren't guilty of anything. But sometimes feelings are stronger than thoughts and your partner might need you to show them that you did truly feel for them atleast a while back and all of it wasn't as bad. Don't be harsh, rude and indifferent. Instead understand that you're about to hurt someone's feelings and feel what you'd feel in their place. You are free to make your choices but you do not have the right to damage someone else's belief and faith. Give an explanation, communicate openly and let your partner drift away without hating you.
My random thoughts on some ways to reach the so called 'moved on' phase based on two personality types (hereon referred to as 'PT') and two situations (hereon referred to as 'S'):
1. S: The Dumped One - Where you were the one who was still in love/ the one who wanted to work it out/ the one hanging on
PT: The Feeler - You're an emotional wreck. Your heart's broken and you can feel each piece of it still beating for the one who's dumped you. No matter what everyone around says you keep emptying the buckets of tears from your eyes. Here's what might help you :: Take a paper and pen. Write down all the reasons that your loved one gave for dumping you. Mentally analyze whether it was because of you or anything related to you or because of him/her and his/her priorities/expectations. If you realize it was a result of your stupidity then stop crying. You've learnt what not to do in your next attempt at falling in love. If it was because of him/her then just let go. You can't change people or plead them to love you. If they don't, they just don't. There's nothing wrong with you or them, so stop the self-pity act or the blame game. Be happy if you had a good time being with them and start a brand new story. Life's too short to hang on to one long story. Change it up and smile again.
PT: The Thinker - You're a mind master. Your heart's broken but you are more worried about the 5 W's and 1 H of the failure of your relationship. You have left no stone unturned in analyzing the situation and thinking it out loud. Here's what might help you :: Your heart is anyway vulnerable, so be kind to yourself and give your mind some rest. Stop thinking so much because not everything that happens has a reason or logic. There are things that are out of our control and beyond our understanding, especially people and their behaviours. Give the person who dumped you the benefit of doubt, try to feel what they are going through and understand their feelings behind their action. This will let you hate them a little less and help you de-stress a little more.
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2. S: The Ditcher - Where you were the devil/ the cheater / the one who didn't care about others' feelings / heartless / cold / indifferent
PT: The Feeler - Even in this case, you're still a wreck. You can't help but feel sorry for doing what you've done. Inspite of the rational decision, your heart is still sad. Here's what might help you :: If you've cheated on your partner, guess what? Go ahead - FEEL SORRY! If you've decided to dump your partner because of XYZ reasons, then you've already made a choice. So there's no point in feeling sorry or sad, it ain't helping either of you. Since you are a sensitive person, you would have thought over the reasons and the consequences before shooting the gun. Trust yourself, your instincts and your decision. If you've taken a stand, stick by it and don't complicate things.
PT: The Thinker - You are a free bird now. You exactly know why you've done whatever you have and feel absolutely proud of your actions. The reasons behind your decision are all justified. Here's what might help you :: If you have thought through the reasons why you are dumping your partner, then you sure aren't guilty of anything. But sometimes feelings are stronger than thoughts and your partner might need you to show them that you did truly feel for them atleast a while back and all of it wasn't as bad. Don't be harsh, rude and indifferent. Instead understand that you're about to hurt someone's feelings and feel what you'd feel in their place. You are free to make your choices but you do not have the right to damage someone else's belief and faith. Give an explanation, communicate openly and let your partner drift away without hating you.
And as Audrey Hepburn quotes "Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you!"
